Have you ever fallen in love with someone while you were still in love with someone else? Have you ever ended a relationship with someone because it just wasn't working, but still loved them all the same?
I have. Take my last partner, I love him deeply and something tells me I will always feel love for him. But will we be together? NO. Our lifestyles, our dreams, our ambitions... they are just not compatible.
But does that mean I have to close the door of my heart to him? No.
The society we live in teaches us that love is something that should be between two people. But I invite you to be clear and not confuse love with marriage. Don't confuse love with monogamy. And certainly don't confuse love with sex.
Marriage is a commitment to share a life together, to be exclusive in the act of sex, and to respect and support each others wants and needs. A partnership, regardless of marriage, is built on similar premise, but perhaps without the lifetime commitment.
Nowhere in such an agreement should it be written (metaphorically) that one soul should close their heart to another. To do so, in my opinion, violates ones self, as it attempts to deny feelings and emotions that are natural reflections of the beauty we recognize in others.
So, is it okay to love more than one person at the same time? I believe, yes it is. As long as you are honest about your feelings and when you commit to one person, respect their wants and needs about how you express your love for others. For example, if monogamy is something they need, ask yourself if you are prepared to give it, and if so, commit to it and honor your commitment. If "no contact" with your ex-partners, people you may still love but left the relationship because it wasn't working, is something they need, then consider if this is something you are prepared to do and if it is, do it faithfully.
If you find yourself having feelings for someone new in your life, do not hide them from your partner... Talk about them. Being open and honest, you can help your partner feel safe in knowing that you are being honest, and, your commitment to them comes first. Chances are, that kind of honesty, if done with sincere love, will only help the love you share with your partner grow and become stronger. And if he or she is uncomfortable with you being in contact with the person you have developed feelings for, decide if you can, in good conscience, step away from that other relationship to allow the one you are in the space it needs to flourish. But if you can't, be honest about that too. Believe it or not, you cannot hide emotions. The energy of love and attraction can be felt, so you can never really hide your feelings about others from your partner anyway.
So if you find you are in love with more than one person, be honest. It is a natural condition. How you deal with this will ultimately nourish, or injur the ones you love. Whatever decisions you face, make them from a place of love and nobody will get hurt, and all will feel the love you have for them as genuine, honest and pure.
Love is never the problem. Only the solution.
If you are having difficulty with a relationship, whether you are in one, thinking about one, or thinking about ending one, let me help you discover the power of being open and loving as the way to make good decisions that support and noursish you and those you love. I can be reached by email at laurie_attwood @ yahoo.com or phone +1.207.399.3041
Here's to love in your life,
Laurie
(C) 2011 Laurie Lea Attwood, Soulo(tm) All rights reserved.
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